I never thought I’d be a mother. I didn’t even have a true interest in getting married. In years past, I’d dated and had a couple longterm relationships. We discussed marriage, but not seriously. Maybe because I always saw marriage and motherhood as burdens. And then, the guys weren’t what I thought a life-partner (and probably a good father) should be. Hence the title ‘ex’.
Me, as a mommy? I didn’t think I would ever want to give so much of myself and allow some thing or someone control my every move, my every thought. Honestly, I was terrified to become someone’s mother. To be responsible for this moldable, impressionable, sponge of a human being was THE absolute last thing on my to-do list.
But almost five years after our Sweet P arrived, I haven’t regretted it, most days. Of course there are moments when ‘What was I thinking?’ echoes through my mind. Or I look around and say, ‘Where has my life gone?’ But overall, I truly enjoy motherhood. And today was one of those days. For me, it’s never about the pomp and circumstance, but the things that come from the heart. Since Honey showers me with love every single day, all I asked for was flowers. Though I requested a $10 bouquet from the corner stand uptown, he opted for my favorite flower, tulips, from a florist.
But on the Friday before Mother’s Day, I happened upon Sweet P’s class-made card that she was so excited about. It was stuffed in her daily folder with her worksheets. Unfortunately, it also came in contact with her water bottle that was leaking in the bottom of her book bag. Needless to say, she was crushed when she saw this.
I explained to her, that I loved it just the way it was just because she put her heart in it…and on it. Just in case you’re wondering, that’s me and her under the water spot. At some point she and Honey decided to steal away and purchase another card. And I had to sniffle back the tears.
Then it hit me. This is what I was thinking. This is where my life is. This is where I need to be. Her superhero. And I wouldn’t change it for anything.